Battle Creek Area Mathematics and Science Center: Class of 2k12
GPA: ¯\_(*-*)_/¯ I got into U of M so it couldn’t have been that bad
I went to this specialty school for a half day through high school because I was a prodigy. Shout out to Kellogg’s for funding my high school education (making it easier to ignore your eugenics phase).
University of Michigan: Class of 2k16
B.S. in a bunch of words that basically mean climate science
GPA: I’d rather not say. I was on academic probation for a while…
I was in the marching band for a bit, but then my body fell apart so that didn’t last long. I did get paid to play trumpet at basketball games sometimes though. My department was tiny and that was pretty fun.
Private Sector Experience
None. But then again - Rey had not force training either…
Public Sector Experience
EPA sort of, but not really because I was actually a grantee: November 2016
(bad timing, I know) – October 2018
I did modeling for the EPA SmartWay program. It was a good gig because I had three monitors and a powerful computer. I sat far away from my coworkers and nobody bothered me. I often got angry at people who didn’t have a good job so I made a group chat about it.
EPA actually, as a federal employee: October 2018 – Present (except
during shutdowns. Walls work, but not me)
I do modeling with the Air Quality Modeling Center. I mostly help maintain and improve a poorly written mobile-source emissions model called (appropriately) MOVES. I still have my ranting group chat, but I do less ranting and my friends do more. Had a short stint on the Party Planning Committee. Currently undergoing intensive training in Imposter Syndrome and the resulting anxiety and depression.
Environments: Windows (unfortunately), Linux, MacOS, nothing else because IDEs are for the weak.
Languages: Go, SQL, Python (kinda), Java (kinda), R, MATLAB, English, French (because I’m better than you)
Skilled in R, MATLAB, Go, MySQL, Excel (unfortunately)
Awards and Certificates
Floor Hockey Sportmanship Award: 3rd Grade
We didn’t win a single game :( but at least we were good sports about it
Eagle Scout: March 2012
Led a team of volunteers in building a memorial garden next to a memorial wall for people to meet their future pets at the local animal shelters. Secured (legally) material donations from local businesses.
SmartWay Awards Super Statistical Helper (yes, that’s its actual name):
They gave me this because I’m a millenial and it’d been a while since I was given an “everybody gets a trophy” award
Activities and Hobbies
Hot Air Balloonist: 1996 – Present
Crew with pilots in local competitions. Officiated at 2011 National Hot Air Ballooning Championships and 2012 FAI Hot Air Balloon World Championships. Sister and mother own hot air baloons. Maybe I will too someday.
Drum and Bugle Corps: 2009, 2010, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 (now my body hurts
all the time)
Sucked at everything – 2009
Trumpet Section Leader – kinda 2013 (long story), 2014, 2015
Horn Sergeant – 2015
High School Marching Band Technician: 2015 – Present
I was awful at band, so it’s a good thing the students have me around to tell them how to be bad. Whether they know they’re supposed to do the opposite is unclear.
Curling: 2016 – Present
I like to zoom around on the slider. Sometimes I lead the team and sometimes my brother does. Just depends on which one of us feels like yelling in a giant icebox. I’ve won wine at tournaments before, but it wasn’t for being good at curling :(
Alex Murray’s identical twin, and his elder by 2 minutes
One time, I was about to drop my phone down a flight of stairs, but I tried to catch it, but dropped it down 3 flights instead
I survived the #Great Government Shutdown of 2018-2019
I made a package that connects Go to R via C without actually learning C
I know how to inline code in an Rmarkdown document:
rnorm(n=10, mean=0, sd=1)
##  -2.26371317 -0.01420476 -1.45166308 -1.45744770 1.00084281 0.63095602 ##  -0.09277921 2.11349415 0.47177858 1.21137424
Alex Murray: We’ve known each other our whole lives
Erin N. Graham: She’s dating me, and the smart one in the relationship
President Donald Trump: My boss’s boss’s boss’s boss’s boss’s boss
Golang Gopher: He sits at my desk and debugs my code for me
Let’s be honest. If you’ve read this far, you know there is no good reason to want to work with me. In case you’re a masochist, I can be reached via reddit (u/overthinkDCIscores), Github (EMurray16), or email at email@example.com. You can also find me bumming around the Kalamazoo Curling Club if you’re into that sort of thing.