Evan Graham-Murray

a 100% nice and accurate resume

Education

Battle Creek Area Mathematics and Science Center: Class of 2k12
GPA: ¯\_(*-*)_/¯ I got into U of M so it couldn’t have been that bad
I went to this specialty school for a half day through high school because I was a prodigy. Shout out to Kellogg’s for funding my high school education

this makes it easier to ignore the eugenics phase.

University of Michigan: Class of 2k16
B.S. in a bunch of words that basically mean climate science
GPA: I’d rather not say. I was on academic probation for a while
I was in the marching band for a bit, but then my body fell apart so that didn’t last long. I did get paid to play trumpet at basketball games sometimes though. My department was tiny and that was pretty fun.

Private Sector Experience

Not applicable, nor do I wish to apply at this time.

Public Sector Experience

EPA sort of, but not really because I was actually a grantee: November 2016 – October 2018
I did modeling for the EPA SmartWay program. It was a good gig because I had three monitors and a powerful computer. I sat far away from my coworkers and nobody bothered me. Those were the days.

bad timing, I know

EPA actually, as a federal employee: October 2018 – Present
I do other modeling with three different monitors and a different powerful computer. Had a short stint on the Party Planning Committee. I get called in when MOVES doesn’t … uh … move. I work remotely now, but in these post-COVID days the fact that I sit very far from my colleagues doesn’t stop them from bothering me.

except during government shutdowns

Nonprofit Experience

Michigan Drum Corps Scholarship Fund: 2019 – Present
Cofounded a nonprofit to support a community and activity that means a lot to me.

bad timing, I know

Computer Skills

Environments: Windows (unfortunately), Linux, MacOS

the Mac is how you know I’m better than you

Languages: Go, SQL, Python (kinda), Java (kinda), R, MATLAB (kinda), English, French (kinda)

the French is also because I’m better than you

Skilled in R, Go, MySQL

Used to be skilled but now rusty in MATLAB

Awards and Certificates

Floor Hockey Sportsmanship Award: 3rd Grade
We didn’t win a single game but at least we were good sports about it

:(

Eagle Scout: March 2012
Led a team of volunteers in building a memorial garden next to a memorial wall for people to meet their future pets at the local animal shelter. Secured material donations from local businesses.

SmartWay Awards Super Statistical Helper: April 2017
They gave me this because I’m a millennial and it’d been a while since I was given an “everybody gets a trophy” award

yes, that’s the actual name

Activities and Hobbies

Hot Air Ballooning: 1996 – Present
Crew with pilots in local competitions. Officiated at 2011 National Hot Air Ballooning Championships and 2012 FAI Hot Air Balloon World Championships. Sister and mother own hot air balloons. Maybe I will too someday.

this is the source of my inflated ego

Drum and Bugle Corps: 2009, 2010, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015
Sucked at everything – 2009
Trumpet Section Leader – kinda 2013 (long story), 2014, 2015
Horn Sergeant – 2015

now my knees hurt all the time

High School Marching Band Technician: 2015 – Present
I was awful at band, so it’s a good thing the students have me around to tell them how to be bad.

whether they know they’re supposed to do the opposite of me is unclear

Curling: 2016 – Present
I like to zoom around on the slider. I’ve won wine at tournaments before, but it wasn’t for being good at curling

:(

Other Qualifications

One time, I was about to drop my phone down a flight of stairs, but I tried to catch it, but dropped it down 3 flights instead

Another time, I broke a coffee pot at an airbnb and sliced my finger open. It bled for a long time but things are fine now.

I have my coolest scar for the dumbest reason

I survived the #Great Government Shutdown of 2018-2019

I made a package that connects Go to R via C without actually learning C

I don’t like Hadley Wickham

References

Personal
My wife evidently thought she could do worse.

Dogs like me too.

Professional
President Joseph R. Biden: My boss’s boss’s boss’s boss’s boss’s boss
President Donald J. Trump: My boss’s boss’s boss’s former boss’s former boss’s former boss

bureaucratic chain of command is weird sometimes

Golang Gopher: He sits at my desk and debugs my code for me

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Contact

Let’s be honest. If you’ve read this far, you know there is no good reason to want to work with me. But I suppose if you must, you can head to my Github (EMurray16) and go from there.